There was a time in my life when it felt like I couldn’t catch a break. I faced personal storms, struggles in my professional life, and internally, storms were raging through it all. One after another, each feeling more intense than the last.
So I did what I believed strong people do when battered by the storm: I tried to hold on tighter to everything I could. I worked harder and longer. I did everything in my power to keep the appearance that my life was under control. I had to make sure that nothing slipped out of my death grip. Then I learned a very important truth the hard way: by trying to keep everything together, I came closer to losing it all than I realized.
While the storms took their toll, they weren’t the only thing draining me. It was the struggle and heaviness of trying to hold onto my life through them. It was the fear of losing control and my image, the pressure of expectations, and the pride in staying strong despite the difficulties. By the time the third or fourth storm hit, I was exhausted. I had nothing left in the tank.
You might be thinking, I get that. I’ve been there. I’m there now. You’ve faced, or are facing, the storms of broken relationships, a setback that cost you significant financial resources, unexpected grief, or the one I know best—burnout. And when these storms rage, our instinct—our conditioning—is to hold on tighter. But real strength doesn’t always look like holding on. Sometimes it looks like letting go.
Palm trees being blown by the wind right after a tropical storm
As we explore this Palm Tree Philosophy, I believe there are three things we must not only learn but also truly practice if we want to weather the storms and lean with the wind. And the first is this:
Trying to hold everything together is often what tears us apart.
If you’ve ever walked past a palm tree after a storm, you’ve seen fronds scattered across the ground. But look up, and the palm tree is still standing. It might look a little rougher than it did before, but it’s still there. Why? Because the palm tree isn’t trying to hold onto every frond that’s attached to it. The palm tree was made to let go of what it no longer needs.
Yes, each frond serves a purpose in calm weather. They assist with photosynthesis by converting sunlight into energy. This energy is essential for the palm tree’s growth. Additionally, they help the tree store strength between storms and recover afterward. They regulate the temperature. Their fan-like shape provides shade for the root system far below. They also collect water, directing rain down to the base of the tree to nourish and cool its shallow roots.
Fronds aren’t just decorative; they’re essential. They supply energy, shade, and hydration, but only when the weather is calm.
However, in a storm, what once served a purpose actually becomes a burden on the palm tree’s ability to withstand the wind. So instead of resisting, palm trees lean and release their fronds, allowing the wind to pass through. It’s this act of letting go that protects the trunk of the tree. In shedding what creates resistance, the tree is able to stay upright.
Some of us try to hold on to every part of our lives, believing that losing any piece would mean failure. But too often, it’s the act of gripping tightly onto what no longer serves us that causes the most harm. And because we refuse to loosen our hold, we often snap or break in a storm we should have weathered.
Holding on to everything doesn’t keep us strong; it’s often what breaks us.
So, what is one thing you’re trying to hold onto that might be better to let go of?
What seems like a loss might actually be a strategic surrender.
Honestly, letting go rarely seems like the wise choice in the moment. It often feels like failure. And in our desire to avoid seeming weak, uncommitted, or irresponsible, we stay in the wrong role or try to cling to an identity that no longer fits. We pretend we’re okay because we’re scared of what might happen if we admit we’re not.
But what if what appears to be loss is actually strength? We need to understand that letting go is not the same as giving up. Letting go means choosing what matters most over what we thought we had to carry.
There’s a passage in Hebrews that offers a powerful image of letting go. Even if you’re not religious, the metaphor still resonates: “Lay aside every weight” so you can run the race ahead. Sometimes, the “weight” is something that once helped you, but it no longer carries you forward.
To keep moving, sometimes we have to release the weight that holds us back. Palm trees don’t shed fronds because they’re failing. They shed them to survive—and even thrive. That is strategic surrender.
Letting go doesn’t make you weak. It lets you keep standing.
Letting go has a bad reputation. We often see it as backing down, stepping back, or admitting defeat. But in reality, letting go keeps us grounded in what truly matters. It’s tough, yes—but it’s often the very thing that helps us survive the storm.
Letting go isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of wisdom.
When you observe people you admire for their resilience, I doubt they are the ones pretending to have it all together. They’re not carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. They’re not acting as if everything is fine when it isn’t. They’ve learned to decide what to hold on to and what to let go. They are those who face life’s challenges with grace, without losing themselves in the process. They aren’t sugarcoating or denying the struggle. They’ve simply figured out what truly matters and what can be released.
This is where the Palm Tree Philosophy begins to take shape. It’s not pretending the storms won’t come. It’s not claiming that letting go won’t hurt. It simply asks: How do I keep standing when the wind starts blowing? How do I build a life that can withstand the storm? It all starts with learning how to let go.
This may involve letting go of the need to be understood. It could mean stepping away from a role you no longer feel called to. It might also mean dropping the performance, removing the mask, and allowing others to see the real you—the one who’s struggling but still standing. The one who’s bending but not breaking. Sometimes, it simply means loosening your grip on a plan that’s no longer unfolding as you hoped.
Remember, the purpose of the Palm Tree Philosophy isn’t to pretend we’re unaffected by the storm. The goal is to remain standing when the storm passes—resilient and whole. Sometimes, letting go is the only way to get there.
So:
What are you holding onto that’s dragging you down?
What are the “fronds” you need to let go of so you can stay upright?
Where have you confused surrender with weakness, when it could be the smartest move?
We don’t have to let go of everything, but we do need to let go of something. In the next few days, find one thing that helped you get here but is now holding you back from moving forward. Release it. It might be tough. It will leave a mark. However, it could be the very thing preventing the growth you seek.
Just don’t wait for the next storm to rip it apart and potentially take you down with it.
Tell me what this stirs in you. Leave a comment, send me a message, or reflect on it privately. But don’t let it go unnoticed. Resilience starts with clarity. And clarity happens when we learn to let go.
